I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
