Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His hands were made for my vagina.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
