halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
