my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
