the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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