That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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