remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
