I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
im holly from the hills drunk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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