A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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