I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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