She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
