dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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