I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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