I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
