ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
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