I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
