did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
