i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
