how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
