new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
