I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
