I need to stop coming to work sober
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
