my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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