i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
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I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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