I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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