I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize