He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
