I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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