Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Say something about gay babies.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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