If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
