I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
