Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
