Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No more Irish car bombs ever.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
