I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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