so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
