just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
