I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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