toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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