Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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