It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
