kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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