You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
