Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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