false alarm. still invincible.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
