420 ftw
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
