Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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