can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
