Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
