I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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