If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
