my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
