and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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