A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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