IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
