We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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