WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
