New invention idea: vibrating tampons
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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