I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
