no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
