Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I love you. Go after that dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
