dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
