he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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