And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
