yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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