I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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